Friday, October 9, 2009

Prokureurs

Ek werk by 'n prokureursfirma en kyk, as my baas my die dag nou regtig kwaad het, dan haal ek een van die onderstaande grappies uit of ek print dit en gee dit vir hom. Dis die vinnigste wat hy my sommer heeltemal uitlos vir die res van die dag. Hy is vinnig om persoonlike grappe te maak met sy personeel, maar 'n prokureurs grappie kan hy nie verdra nie. En my leuse? Hier is vir jou 'n bietjie van jou eie medisyne! Al hierdie onderstaande grappies is darem nie van toepassing op my baas nie, maar dan is daar byvoorbeeld die eerste een wat baie waar is. Ek het al die woorde getel wat my baas vir my dikteer en ek tik. Een hele paragraaf bestaan soms uit net een sin van oor die 60 woorde! So die 40 woorde kort sin is baie beslis op hom van toepassing!

Enjoy!

You might be a lawyer if you believe that a 40 words’ sentence is a short one.

There are 2 kinds of lawyers. Those who know the law and those who know the judge.

An Engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “so how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey things are going great, we’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What???” You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says “no way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says “send him back up here or I’ll sue”.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers “Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside.
“Here’s R30 000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”
At the funeral each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put R20 000 into the envelope because I needed R10 000 for a new baptistery”
“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor, “I only put R10 000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost R20 000.”
The lawyer was aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you” he exclaimed. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full R30 000.”

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” said the client.
“Of course” the lawyer replied, “I charge R200 to answer 3 questions!”
“Well, that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is” said the lawyer, “and what’s your 3rd question?”

I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Listen to this from his bill: for waking up at night and thinking about your case: R50.”

The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to Law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father’s firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said.
“Father, Father, in one day I broke the accident case that you’ve been working on for 10 years!”
His father responded: “you idiot, we could live on the funding of that case for another 10 years!”

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, “How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?”
“Just send an account for such advice” replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a R100 account. That afternoon he received a R200 account from the lawyer.

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”
The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?”
“R50.”
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for R50. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal consultation service R250.

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